by Ellie Parton
Ellie shares her heart and what she’s learned in 2018 about love, life and rainbows.
Speaking from personal experience and the heart
You’re probably looking at the headline to this article and wondering – isn’t it the good, the bad and the ugly? The answer should be yes, in the traditional saying, it is. However, in life, it’s not, this is something I’ve only come to learn very recently. I’m a copywriter, a dreamer, I’ve done editing, and I think of myself as a storyteller, but this is the first article I’ve written speaking from personal experience and the heart. I’ve always loved writing and I’ve always edited other people’s words, but this, this is the first time I’m recounting my own lessons.
I worked for Rediscovering Me just shy of a year ago, I love the company, the brand and what they encompass, I admire Jane and Mandy and their spirit to channel their lessons to help support other people. After I finished my internship my life kind of shot forward at a speed I wasn’t expecting. I had intended to carry on writing for them and keep close but before I knew it I’d blinked and a year had passed me by. So when Esther messaged me and asked me if I could write an article I saw it as an opportunity to A. Do what I’d intended to do for so long which was write an article, and B. Recount the last 12 months and what I’d learned.
I was in a happy blissful state of content
At the start of 2018 I’d been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, we’d just spent Christmas and New Year together, I was in a happy blissful state of content. I’d just started a new job and was saving for a house. I saw the years ahead filled with staying in my hometown, getting engaged, married, moving out and having kids, that’s what you’re supposed to do, isn’t it?
However, two weeks after my birthday in January, and two days before I was supposed to be going to Dublin with my boyfriend he texts me. He said he was no longer happy and that we should break up. Coward, I know. He had been my world for nearly two years, and he was my whole future. I felt a barrier skyrocket out of me, I was angry for myself, I deserved better. Everyone had said he would do this, and he had, I was embarrassed, disappointed and determined to prove I was ok. Cutting a lot out of the story, I spent the following three to six months putting up a front to everyone that I was fine, I was happy! This was good, he would’ve done it anyway, better now than in 5 years when we would have had a house, been married, or had children.
In the middle of the dance floor… I let my tears fall
In reality, I was spending my nights listening to Daniel Caesar’s ‘Best Part’ in bed, crying. Even on nights out I wasn’t really holding it together. I remember walking into a club with all my friends. I’d bought a new dress, had my hair done and I wanted to have fun. As I walked into the club my chest felt hollow, the music was background noise to the thoughts in my mind and I held my clutch bag to my face in the middle of the dance floor and let my tears fall. That night I left early and a week later I used half of my savings to fly to Seattle to get some head space and re-plan my life because this marriage and kids thing was going to have to take a back seat.
I came back somewhat happier and focused on work, this was going to be a good year. 2018 must have laughed at my enthusiasm because with every step forward I felt like someone in front of me was pushing me back 5 paces. I fell out massively with someone I’d been friends with for around 6 to 7 years, I began to hate my work and the area I lived in because I was constantly bumping into people connected to my ex-boyfriend. Work and home made me feel like a large fish in a small pond; I needed more than what I had. I started dating people who were good looking, funny, kind, but something was never quite right. I applied for numerous jobs, some at places I’d worked previously where I felt I was a dead cert and was rejected over and over. Rejection became a theme for my year and I started to give up and tell everyone I was getting this year over and done with and would try again in 2019.
I’d always wanted to move to London
Then, one day as I sat in my office at work feeling down and sorry for myself my phone rang. I didn’t recognise the number so I went to reject it but something told me to take the call. I walked into a private room and on the other end was Coca-Cola. I’d applied for a job with them months ago in one of my many moments of despair. I remember clicking ‘apply’ to anything related to my job on LinkedIn that was down in London.
Our breakup was a reason to chase that dream again
I’d always wanted to move to London, long before I met my ex-boyfriend but it was something I’d put to one side as a ‘that doesn’t really happen for people like me’ dream and focused on a comfortable life instead. Our breakup was a reason to chase that dream again.
I remember seeing the job for Coca-Cola on LinkedIn and thinking why not? If they say no it’ll only be the 500th rejection this year. And yet there they were, at the end of my phone asking me questions and then inviting me for an interview. This was my glimmer of hope and yet I refused to believe anything would come of it.
Prepping for the interview had allowed me to remember how creative I was
I told only my brother and best friend that I had the interview and I stayed up till 2 o’clock in the morning every night before the interview rehearsing the presentation I’d have to give. Prepping for the interview had allowed me to remember how creative I was, that I had good ideas and I might actually be really good at this job if I got it. Obviously, that was never going to happen, I should just be grateful for the interview and value the experience and opportunity – that was what I was telling myself, anyway.
When the day came for my interview I felt oddly calm as I hopped on a train to London. I’d called in sick to work and then accidentally answered the phone to our HR officer who, I’m 90% certain, heard the train announcement for London. I had an hour layover in Coventry and spent the entire time in a toilet cubicle hiding, convinced that work had cottoned on and would come looking for me. They didn’t and I made it to Coca-Cola unscathed. My interview went the best it could have and I returned home to await the call that would tell me, ‘on this occasion, I had been unsuccessful’.
In the space of a year my world had been flipped upside down
My mom and dad had been in New York at the time, so when they returned I told them about my interview. I repeatedly prepared them that this wasn’t something I was going to get – but hey they’d wanted to see me and that was nice! Two days later I had the phone call from Coke; I’d got the job.
In the space of a year my world had been flipped upside down, my happy little world had gone bad as quick as a click. I remained positive for so long but the world felt ugly. I began to believe that there was a dark cloud following me everywhere I went, and then, one day, good came. The bad, the ugly and the good. I came to realise that the things we perceive to be the worst things are in fact, the best. My boyfriend leaving me, my job becoming awful, my little town feeling like a choke hold, and the many jobs I was rejected from all led me to where I was meant to be and although I couldn’t see it for a long time, my ‘good’ was waiting for me.
I know things could have been much worse. For many, my bad times may seem trivial, but there is always someone with worse problems than you – it doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be upset about your own. Problems are personal and without them, we’d never grow.
Without the rain there’d be no rainbows
They say that sometimes, we may think someone has left us, when it is actually God removing them for a purpose. They say ‘without the rain, there’d be no rainbows.’ I believe both are very true!
Although I know that this isn’t THE happy ending. As life goes on I’ll experience more heartache, more rejection, more job troubles and all those things that come with life. I’ve come to realise that you shouldn’t let time pass you by while you’re busy waiting for next year, but rather, strike now to make a change. Have faith and believe that where you are IS where you’re meant to be and you’ll always end up where you should be. Even if it hurts getting there.